Combined Emotions
by DollOfHellsing
Summary: They were both alone and broken. Broken by their own ill fated decisions. Both losing everything they loved. When you suffer a loss...sometimes you just need a shoulder to learn on...even if its the person you thought you despised the most...AlucardxOC(mainly) Some PipxSeras. M because...well...its Alucard...and possible lemons in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

**Welp after many months of simply thinking up stories in my head while I was at work(I know I should be working but pffttt, inside my head is so much more fun) I decided to finally put it to words. The first part here is mainly to give the reader an idea of who the main character is. I'm not sure it will remain THIS serious but we shall see how it pans out. It's been a while since I done hard writing so bare with my grammar mistakes, so on so forth.**

**Dissclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any characters affiliated with said Manga/Anime…Would be awesome though.**

**Prologue**

Our lives intertwined many years ago. Not by choice, but by fate. He was the ordained ruler of his kingdom in Romania and I was, to the untrained eye, only a servant of a family I worked for. "Servant" hmmm…yes. Better put, I was a guardian angel. Bound by angelic law to this family. To protect with no rebuttal, and to serve at any cost. They knew not of my true Identity, for that's how the role of servant came into play. It was my only way of means of keeping a close eye on the family without the threat of being exposed.

This family lived in a small village outside of his kingdom. A gung ho town full of smiling faces, playing children, and people just trying to make ends meet. The conditions were terrible yet they all remained optimistic. That ultimately put a smile on my face, and my undying desire to keep the family I looked after safe continued to grow.

In a flash, everyone's lives came crumbling down. As the wars broke, so did spirits. Their village was threated, not only by the enemy, but by the king himself. Vlad had ultimately declared war on his own lands, to which, no one was safe. It had come to my attention of the fate of my family, and I had to do something about it quickly. The clock was ticking and I'll be damned if their blood spills while I am still alive.

That faithful evening, I tucked the children into bed and took to the skies, headed towards Vlad's domain. I could not sit back and watch the frowns on my familys' faces, their utter feelings of defeat pulling at my heart. Once there, after a long deliberation with his guards, I was presented to him. The man whose kingdom was falling at his feet. A look of stress, sleepless nights and anger plastered across his face.

"Please…" I said, not breaking eye contact with his lifeless, broken eyes.

My pleas fell to deaf ears as he brushed off every reason as to why this town, _**this family**_, should be saved.

A deal….a decision made in haste with no other options. I needed to reveal myself to him, and prove to him what I am capable of; that my very existence could save his kingdom if he'd only listen. Everyone action made for this family. His interest was piqued at that point; there was no going back now. I told him of who I was, showed him my abilities, and what I could do to aid in the rebuilding of his kingdom. I would use my power to guide his men to make the correct choices on the battlefield. A power shunned by the elder angels. It was wrong, but I have no choice. What's said is done.

In due time, the numbers started to turn in his favor; the pride slowly returning to his form. Still remaining in their home, the family, my family remained alive for the time being and I couldn't of been happier. But my happiness was short lived. I am not sure what broke in Vlads head but he came to me with flared nostrils and his face twisted into so much anger, even I slightly drew back. He accused me of only helping him so I could kill and dethrone him. Saying he should of seen it before but I am probably working directly with the enemy. My heart sank. So many thoughts going through my head. Why did I not see this before? This man is war broken, so all irrational thoughts have made a home deep in his mind. He then threated me and the family. Before I could even blink, his guards had moved in and slaughtered them, all of them, right before my eyes. I shattered…

"What have you done…h-how…WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" My clouded eyes burning holes through his face. A devilish grin playing at the corners of his lips…

"I taught you a lesson…angel…"

The words hung heavy in the air with the stench of my families fresh blood….My last memory of him being his back proceeding out the door…

"Due in part to your actions of defying the Angelic Law, your accusations stand as follows: Point A, revealing yourself to that of a mortal without probable cause…"

"Without probable cause. Is sacrificing my own fate to save the ones I cared about not probable cause?" I thought, hanging my head. The chains securing my wrists to the floor clanking slightly as I adjusted my position on my knees.

"…Point B, conjuring a power that is strictly forbidden within the realm of guardian angels, and using it to kill and not save! And finally, Point C, allowing your subjects to be killed." The elder angel shook his head, eyes bearing deeply on my form in the middle of the room. Small murmurs erupting from judgment members begin to circulate throughout.

"Never in my days have I seen such blatant acts of irresponsibility and Insubordination. The consequences for these actions, as you know should be execution. However, after deliberating with my fellow members, earlier in the process, we have decided to strip you of your title and limit the use of your powers, eternally damning you to walk the earth as that of a heathen gone against god's orders. A Fallen Angel is what you shall remain!" Applause begin beating at my eardrums as waiting tears wreak havoc on my cheeks…

A fallen angel….the lowest of castes….and now…I am one…

Hope you enjoyed it so far. Please review and give pointers if need be ^^ See ya in the next chapter! 


	2. Chapter 2

Walking the crowded streets of London, I make my way back to Hellsing Manor. My black belted boots clacking on the pavement. A few months ago, I answered an ad in the local newspaper for the need of an "Librarian/records keeper" The ad said I'd simply be doing files, taking notes and other small tasks that aided the paperwork side of the duties of the Hellsing Organization. Over the past few hundred years, I have done nothing but roam. Sleeping and working here and there. Moving from city to city before anyone becomes suspicious of my barely changing appearance. 'Alone' I thought. The word made me cringe…Once I ended up here in London, I figured this job would give me a place to call my own and pass the ungodly amount of time I have on this earth. With housing and food, it seemed ideal.

*Flashback to 4 months ago*

"_You fight…what?"_

"_Ghouls"_ The blonde woman deadpanned. A cigar hanging lazily from her lips as she looked over my file.

"…_and Vampires…creatures of the night that don't deserve to see the light of day…or dark of night…"_clamping the cigar with two fingers firmly, she takes a long drag and blows out the smoke before setting it in the ashtray.

"_Vampires..."_I mouthed, being of another realm myself, this shouldn't come as a surprise. I had heard so many stories but never gave them a second thought.

"_Your job experience is impressive…and a little off putting"_ tilting her head slightly, eyeing me through squinted eyes over her round frames. I shift uneasily in my seat across from her.

"_I have been all over…I travel a lot and do not usually stay in the same place long. I guess you could call it minor environmental OCD?" _I move a bit of my black hair from my face as I keep my jaded green eyes connected with the woman's.

Really Thorne? Environmental ocd? These lies were getting ridiculous but I had to keep doing it.

The woman stifled a slight chuckle then looked up at me.

"_It brings me slight alarm that you did not run out screaming or asking if this was a joke or a combination of the two when I mentioned our foes. Have you had experiences with the undead before?"_ She leans back in her large desk chair, my file on her lap, hands neatly folded on top, crossing her left leg over her right, eyeing me closely.

I blink at her question. 'oh nooo Ive only dealt with demons and the likes there of, why would I freak?' I think to myself but decide to play up the part of the frightened yet curious human just looking for a job.

Before I get a chance to speak, the door bursts open and in walks a short blonde girl. Spikey hair just to her ears, dawning a red uniform with an insignia on the breast pocket that I'm assuming is the Hellsing Crest. With a massive cannon in her hand…and massive…*cough*, she strides in and places it against the wall as if it was nothing more than cardboard before making her way over to the woman known as Sir Integra. Integra nods to the girl as she takes her place next to her desk.

"_The misson has been completed sir"_ The girl smiles a toothy grin, her red eyes bright and fangs glinting in the light. I tilt my head, mildly intrigued.

"_Thank you Police Girl. Oh, pardon me. Seras, this here is-"_She eyes my file once more

"_Thorne Clavenhart; a potential recruit to the Hellsing staff. She will more than likely be working diligently in the library keeping records and paperwork organized. I've become much too overrun with these bloody mountains of wasted trees and decided to call upon help."_ Sir integra gestures towards me with her chin before diving into my file once more.

The blonde, now known as Seras gives me a big grin as I reach out my hand to shake her gloved one.

"_Its very nice to meet you…Seras? Was it?"_

"_Ello! And yes, Seras, Seras Victoria. Nice to meet you aswell, Thorne^^"_ She quips showing her fangs once more. I give her a genuine smile back and an audible smirk is heard from the other side of the desk in front of me.

"_Interesting…interesting indeed"_ a low mumble comes from Integra as she eyes me once more through squinted eyes. I shift once again in my seat and drop my eyes to her desk.

This is starting to hurt. I feel as if she knows something but does not want to say. Is it really because I am not going ape shit over the fact that this…woman…is clearly a vampire?

Integra clears her throat, flipping through more pages of my file 'Pretty sure she should have it memorized by now'

"_Police Girl, where is Alucard?_ The bastard usually doesn't waste time making himself known when we have a guest in the house"

"_Master mentioned that he was thirsty sir, so I'd assume gorging on those nice type O blood bags Walter gifted the two of us. It being such a rare catch, I can't wait to taste them myself! I really hope to all hell he did not drink mine"_ Her face drops in a sudden pout. In the midst of chuckling at Seras's semi tantrum, a sent smacks me square in the nose.

'I know that sent' I think, I wrinkling my nose. A smell dripping with years of anger and bloodshed, now caked with the smell of the undead…his sent….it…it couldn't be? That's impossible!; he was put to death so long ago. There's simply no way he could of-

A deep drawn out chuckle echo's throughout Integra's office. The smell growing stronger the louder the laugh gets. My body completely and visibly stiffens as the aura of the room becomes darker; daring not turn around as I feel a heavy presence materializing behind me.

"_Master!"_ Seras grins wide at the sight of the figure looming over my place in my seat

"_Look here, we have a guest!"_ as she's pointing in my direction I take a huge gulp and turn hoping my assumptions about this mystery person are just a matter of mistaken identity. 'Nope…' My eyes go wide as I never forget a face. That awful, unforgettable grin playing at the corners of his mouth. Those withered eyes bearing deep into my soul, only replaced and with bone chillingly red orbs.

"_You…"_ I say simply, keeping my eyes locked with his, peering at me over the top of his sunglasses and between his crimson hat adorning atop his sleek raven locks.

"_Mrs Clavenhart, this is Alucard, my guard-dog so to speak. He is also a vampire, and my loyal servant" _Integre speaks without looking at us as she signs a couple papers spread out on her desk.

I jump out of my seat as a loud chuckle erupts from his tall, alabaster, clad in red, form, giving a decent amount of distance between us.

Both seras and integra eye me for a moment, both of their eyes averting back and forth with confused expressions. _"Is there a problem, Mrs Clavenhart? Do you somehow know Alucard?"_ Integra leans forward a bit, waiting diligently for my answer.

"_Know him? HA, that is an understatement"_ Grinding my teeth, I can feel the anger building in my core. This son of a bitch has the nerve to show his face around me, after all of these years!

Alucard's face remains plastered with that stupid grin as he keeps his eyes on me; my knuckles turning white as I tighten my fists. 'This cannot be happening' I saw shutting my eyes in an attempt to calm down.

"_I'm sorry, but have we met __**beeefore**__?"_ his cyanide and sarcasm laced words burn into my ears as he mocks me with a raised brow. I open my eyes once more, unleashing every ounce of anger into his head with the hopes of it exploding right off his arrogant shoulders.

"_You know damn well who I am fucker. How did you manage to escape the pits of hell with your life still intact?!"_ I spat. Another menacing laugh escapes his lips.

"_On the contrary, I am currently living my own personal hell, if you will. But I say again, . …Angel?"_ He slows his words to a taunting tone. That last word dripping off his tongue like acid, leaving a horrible taste in my mouth. No doubt in my mind, this is really happening.

"_I am sure the Police Girl and My master are very interested in hearing the origins of our meeting? Or should I refresh your memory by showing you how it went?"_ He lowers his head, eyes daring me, provoking me to strike. My lip twitches and I happily take his invitation. In an instant I run at him full speed, snarling loud, leaping up on the chair in front of the desk and launching myself square into his towering form.

"_Master!"_ I hear seras yell. Integra grabs her arm to keep her in place her eyes stuck on the two of us.

We crash like thunder into the floor as I pin him, proceeding to rip and claw at his face and chest. It felt too easy…too quick. He wasn't fighting back; chunks of his flesh flying in many directions as his blood coats my face. I reel my arm back, conjuring up a sword in my palm.

"_Its been a loooong time since I have done this. Since I have NEEDED this. I will send you back to the shit hole you crawled out of, YOU BASTAARRDDD!"_ upon declaring my vengeance, I bring the sword down with all my might. The gash never comes and a booming laugh from under me fills the room as black shadows start to form where his desecrated body lays; a tendril reaching out, holding the head of my sword, stopping it in place.

"_Angel…A blessed blade? Interesting. Do you REALLY believe a mere child's toy like that could possibly eradicate the likes of me?"_ He proceeds to laugh, only the white of his eyes and teeth shown through the smoke. My eyes go wide as he flings me across the room; the wind getting knocked from my lungs as I make a bone breaking connection with the wall. _'Damn…DAMN…I should have known I am not in any condition to take him on currently. It has been so long since I have fought anyone…ugh!'_ I curse inside my mind.

Upon sitting up, gaining my ability to move again, I notice the lot staring at me. A Cheshire grin sitting on Alucard's face as his form rematerializes in front of integras desk, seeming completely unharmed.

"_What…?"_ A quick brush of air tickles my right side. Turning my head slightly, I'm greeted by a large black wing, gently flapping as I move. 'Fuck…I must of instinctively tried to use my wings to stop by trip across the room…' Sighing I drop my head, reconjuring my sword and standing and resheathing my wing.

"_Very very Interesting indeed…Your history with this creature intrigues me. I expect to hear about it in full detail after you've settled in" _Integra smiles in my direction_."Welcome to the Hellsing Organization"_

And so it began…


	3. Chapter 3

**Back with another grand chapter. Sorry for the ungodly long wait. T_T Hope you enjoy though! Also sorry if these chapters seem really short. When I'm writing them out, they always seem so much longer.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of its characters (Would be awesome if I did though!)**

**Chapter 3**

The library had been quiet all day. My workload though had kept me busy for a good portion of my days here, which completely erased my theory of Sir Integra just hiring me as a punishment towards that shithead vampire. Opps, I meant Alucard.

I scrunch my nose upon thinking his name.

I's completely unbelievable that our paths have crossed again in such an odd turn of events. For the life of me, I can't wrap my mind around it.

"Whatever, as long as he stays the hell away from me, our time here should be pleasant...hope." I drop my pen on the desk, leaning back in my chair and rub my eyes. I may be inhuman, but stress known no species and right now, the knowing of his presence in this building is like a ton of bricks on my back.

A knock at the door across the room breaks my thoughts at once.

"May I come in, Madame?" Walter stands peeking his withered head through the door.

"Please, Walter, drop the formalities, call me Thorn ^^" I give him a genuine smile and he chuckles as he enters the room wit a decent stack of papers and folders in his arms.

"Great" I mumble. Again he chuckles as he places them down on my desk.

"I see you've come baring gifts" Smirking as I poke through the mountain.

"Integra asked if you could simply file these in the back room. The room stays locked so here is the key. Please call me to retrieve it when you are done.

I stare at the key then go to grab it just as he pulls it away.

"I ask that if you happen to come across any information in that room, that you ignore it. It is the Hellsing archives…and things can be rather…disturbing, if you will"

I nod at his warning and take the key. Before Walter leaves, he shows me the obscurely placed room hidden in the back corner of the darker part of the library.

'No wonder I hadn't noticed this' the decent sized door was blank; looking as if it were a part of the wall. It had opened with a low creak, the smell of old wood and years of dust tickling my sensitive nose. I look around and perk my ears to be sure no one was coming, before adjusting the folders in my arms and stepping inside.

Upon stepping in a bit further, I'm greeted by a narrow staircase leading upwards. Each step I take is as soft as I can be yet every so often the old wood would whine.

"Jeez…" I saw as the dirt and dust in the air becomes thicker and the room seemingly stuffier.

Not bothering to turn on the lights, I finally make my way up. To any other human, the darkness bathing the room would be a right pain in the butt. Luckily for me, I'm not any other human.

I giggle. The room is filled to the brim with filing cabinets from the bottom of the room to the ceiling. Each drawer displays little whitish cards on the front, letting the reader know of its contents. Peering at a few of the cards, I notice they are labeled with odd names.

"White dove? Mantis? Broken Glass? What the hell?" I blink as I continue reading; the extremity of the names becoming darker. I look down at one of the many folders I'm to put away, the name on the front reading "The Black Sheep". Curiosity starts to get the best of me.

"Hmm…I wonder…It wouldn't hurt to look right?" I position the folders steady in my arms and begin to open it.

"I didn't know you were getting paid to read. What would my master say if she knew we had a slacker amongst us?" The oh too familiar voice penetrates the darkness behind me as I snap my head up. Looking from the corner of my eye, I can see his shadows spreading along the walls around the staircase. I sigh and face him directly.

"What business do you have up here Alucard?" Tapping my foot impatiently as I scan his shadows in an attempt to decipher the location of his face.

"Are you the owner of this place?" He smirks, one single eye opening to my left.

"I do believe I lived here before you decided to grace us with your annoying presence." About six more eyes open in random places around me.

I have permission to be here, therefore I will do as I please bloodsucker. The likes of you will not tell me otherwise." I stand firm In my place, glaring at each of his eyes.

'Who does this bastard think he is? I was hired by Sir Integra, to which I only answer to her, and ONLY her. So I got a little curious, he can honestly blame me?!'

At this point I've had it with his nonsense today. It's been this way since I started. The constant teasing and endless torment since he knows if I retaliate, I run the risk of losing my job and a place to live…Why me?

My thoughts are interrupted by a low drawn out growl. All of his looming red eyes close at once, only to have two anger ridden orbs open directly in front of me.

"Never have I had someone so hell bent stand up to me in such a weak state. I'm intrigued. However, you should learn to hold your tongue. You and I may follow the same master, but she cannot control my feeding habits if they were to get out of hand. And boy would I love to know what that liquid pleasure, coursing through your veins tastes like." His shadows moved closer to my face. Squinting his eyes, his snake like tongue lapped out from his mouth, saliva slightly dripping off the tip.

I squint mine back.

"I can smell your fear and your bravery all at once, interesting"

The count taunted, his baritone laugh filling the room.

Alucards time in the mansion, locked away in the basement at times, left him restless. Lately, missions had only come about every so often, and with the lack of action, it usually left him hanging about lazily with a book, or his idea of "poking fun" at his master, fledgling, or the rest of the Wild Geese; which between Seras and the geese, it usually consisted of all too rough sparing. All of these small bits of entertainment had become stale, and he needed more.

Thorn showing up was absolutely left field in his mind. Though he had many memories of his past left, his encounter with her was one that he had packed away deep. Why? He wasn't sure. He felt nothing towards her or the incidents that took place back then, so why had he chosen to mentally erase their meeting form existence?

"Are you listening to me?" 'did he seriously just get lost in thought?' I blink.

"I need to take my leave…we will finish this another time…" With that, Alucard fazed through the floor without another word, leaving me blinking and confused.

"…I wonder what his problem is? Wait no I don't…I don't care! Ugh, stupid vampire. I need to get back to work" I shake my head, replacing all the files in their rightful homes. Holding on to the black sheep folder, I run my hand over it "I'll be back to read you later" then swiftly put it away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of its characters (Would be awesome if I did though!)**

**Chapter 4**

"Thorn! Wake up! Let's go for a walk!"

A few evenings later, I'm awoken from my nap by an all too excited blonde vampire.

"ergghh…what?" I open one eye, peering up at her, smile plastered on her face."

"It's a really nice evening and I want to go out for a walk. Come with me?" Seras slumps to the floor next to my bed becoming eyelevel with me, giving me a pleading look.

"I asked Master to join, but he ignored me. Come to think of it he's been ignoring me a lot lately" She taps her chin in thinking, then shrugs/

"So will you?"

Craning my neck to look out the big window above my bed, I catch an eyeful of the orangeish/purple evening sky. 'Beautiful'

"Fine, we shall walk. It may be good for me" Sitting up, I adjust my clothes. Since today was our day off, we were able to abandon our uniforms and wear comfy clothes. I had been held up in the mansion for the good amount of 2 weeks now, so going out to get fresh air surely sounded like a treat.

Our walk consisted of roaming the Hellsing grounds. The evening was rather quiet, with the cool spring breeze passing through the blooming trees. Seras and I talked aimlessly about work, music, and other random things that had come about. Since the time I started, the two of us had become pretty good friends. I'd imagine it being because outside of Sir Integra, she had been the only female employee, and since most of the men here were driven by hormones, I can imagine it being fairly difficult to hold a normal conversation with them that didn't consist of never ending perverted and fart jokes. I chuckled as she told a story, being so animated, it made me smile. Sometimes I forget that she, like me, isn't human.

"Captain Bernadotte" Seras was looking off to her right. Head Captain of the Wild Geese mercenary group was sauntering over to us. Instead of his usual brown uniform, he abandoned It for a white tank, button down shirt that he left to hang open loosely, ripped jeans and sandals. His long brown braid topping off the assemble was neatly wrapped around his neck and draped over his shoulder. He smiled in our direction,; his god green eye twinkling. I smiled to myself, as I knew who is obvious excitement was directed towards. With his lit cigarette hanging lazily from his lips, he stepped in fro of us both. From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the toothy grin spread across Seras's face; cheeks as pink as the evening clouds.

"_Mon Cher_" Pip gently grabbed seras's hand as he removed his cig and placed a light kiss on the back of it. He lifted his head again and winked at the both of us.

"And how are zeh both of you zees beautiful evening hm?" His French accent heavy, dripping off of each word. Seras let out a schoolgirl giggle. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"We're fine Captain, thank you for asking" She said with a smile

"We are indeed. Seras decided to drag me out here for a walk, and I can't say I regret it" I look up at the sky again and smile.

"You were wasting away in that stuffy room of yours. I swear, you and master are so much alike! Always locked away somewhere." She said as a matter of factually. Her words made me cringe 'We're nothing alike!' I thought.

"And what about you Captain? Are you doing well?"

"Please mignonette, how many times do I have to tell you, call me pip" He gently and playfully poked her cheek causing a deeper blush to spread across her pale face. 'These two' I thought.

"I'm sorry. It's really hard to get used to that…Pip"

His smile widened at the sound of his name. I was starting to get bored of the googly eyes they were giving each other and decided to continue my walk alone. Saying my goodnights, I headed toward the back garden. It was peaceful and well lit as the moon began to peek through the trees. Relaxing, and just what I needed.

Little does anyone know, two days before, that monster and I got into a little feud. He pushed my buttons and I let him have it. It had been a long while since I was forced to tears just from anger. It was undoubtedly true he felt nothing.

**~Flashback~**

"I couldn't trust you"

"You could! I was helping you and you were gaining control again. That family had done nothing to give you a reason to have them murdered in cold blood! But you couldn't see past your own selfish ways let alone remove your head from your ass long enough to even save your own kingdom!" The flood gates of my eyes burst open, I was seething. I said it, and I could tell it struck him like lightening.

In that moment he had me pinned to the hallway wall by my neck; his fingers threatening to break skin as he squeezed. I could feel him lifting me off the ground as his anger intensified. He leaned in close as I held his arm for a slight bit of support. Though I didn't need to breathe, I still felt as if I was choking from the discomfort.

"What I did for my kingdom, my decisions, is none of your damn business Angel!" I could feel the anger in his eyes, as they stayed locked with mine over the rim of his glasses.

"A-and that got you far didn't it, v-vampire," I mocked. I was either feeling lucky or really foolish to be taunting him at this moment, but I didn't care; he needed to feel my pain. Every outcome from the moment he turned his arrogant back on me was his own fucking fault.

Alucard let loose a booming growl that echoed through the hall. I hit a nerve, big time. He had jerked my neck of swiftly, his canines dripping with saliva as he inched close to my throat.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Both of our eyes adverted over to a familiar voice. Integra had entered the hall with Walter by her side, a look of sheer annoyance on her face. Adjusting her glasses, she sighed.

"Drop her…NOW vampire" She leered. Alucard growled, but like an obedient mutt, let go of my neck, letting me fall to the floor holding my throat.

"Upon Thorns explanation of the animosity you two share towards one another, I will not continue to tolerate the two of you bickering like children. This ends today. Do I make myself clear?" She eyed us both intently. I nodded.

"Clear as mud" Alucard replied with a snide tone. Integra's mouth twitched.

"You! Back to the basement!" The count looked as if he wanted to protest, but he knew he couldn't.

"As you wish…master" He vanished

"Don't let this happen again…" She simply said to me and disappeared back down the hall.

**~End Flashback~**

Looking up at the night sky from the garden, I shook my head and rubbed my neck. After a moment I had an epiphany and I stomped my foot.

"What am I doing? He owes me an apology! Even if I have to force it out of him somehow. Ugh!" I turned on my heel and stormed back inside the manor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of its characters (Would be awesome if I did though!)**

**Chapter 5**

Luke warm red liquid danced in his glass as he swirled it, eyeing the contents half lost in thought. Slouching in his throne, the count recounted the events of the last couple days; they lay heavier on his mind than he imagined.

'Why had her words cut so deep?' he thought. In his day, he had slaughtered so many; his soul was engulfed in darkness way before he became the No Life King, and had never given anyone so much as an ounce of care. So that begged the question, why now? Could it be he was able to feel remorse or guilt? Why when most days he felt like a cold machine with one simple setting; to kill. The memories of his past plagued him for years. But instead of grieving, he channeled that pain to drive his power. It hadn't failed the count yet…so why the wavering now?

He threw his glass across the room, all the crimson contents splashing like a painting on the stone floor.

Upon slouching a little further in his chair, he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Alucard's ears perked at the sound of barely audible footsteps coming down the steps towards his chamber. He sat up a bit, eyeing his door; the faint light from the lit candles on the walls dancing in his curious eyes.

I stood on the other side of his large steel door, continuing to muster up my courage. 'By now, I'm sure he knows I'm out here, and if I leave, he will more than likely come later and ask what my intentions were.' I sigh.

Taking a deep breath, I knock. At the 3rd knock, it opens slowly to a large room covered in darkness, even slightly difficult for me to see in. I step in a bit, the giant door slamming behind me just barely missing my shoulder.

"Jerk…" I mumble and proceed deeper into the room. Now able to make out his throne at the back, canopied in candlelight. I walk towards him. There he sat slouched lazily on his throne, head resting on his right gloved hand, black hair slightly falling in his face, eyes wide open, watching my every move.

Coming to stand before him, I plant my feet and hold his gaze. What I thought was going to be a loud and quick "get out" shifts into him remaining still and staring, simply asking, "Yes?"

That left me slightly speechless. I thought sure he'd try and finish what he started. Blinking a few times I clear my throat.

"I…I believe you owe me something" I straighten my back with as much courage as I can possible gather. His eyes drop from me to the floor…searching? The floor? No, inside himself for an answer it seems; a major first on his part.

"You owe me and an-"

"I'm apologize…" he interrupts, his words merely a whisper. My eyes go wide.

"What?" I fear my ears have deceived me. There's no way that he just-

"I said…I apologize" His eyes meet mine again and my mouth falls agape.

_This has to be a trick._

Silence falls between the two of us.

In that moments time thinking, he had seen something in her. No, it wasn't love. It was something that ran deeper than anyone of his current time could understand. All his centuries of being alone were weights upon his shoulders that he carried by him self. Yes, he had Integra, and his Seras, but they would never fully understand the extent of the battle his mental demons waged everyday, of the full blow of pain he experienced when his kingdom fell.

Integra may have lost a good portion of her family over the years and Seras lost but gained a new life over night; both of which is nothing compared to the anguish, frustration, sacrifice, confusion and hurt he's experienced from losing so much in a short period of time. They weren't there, and have no way of understanding…

_But Thorn was…and she could._

_It was simple. He needed 'Companionship'_

Never once in his time as the count had he needed anyone. But he truly believed he needed her, which made him wonder if she felt the same connection. There was only one way to find out.

I searched Alucard's eyes. They seemed somehow softer? 'What was he up to?'

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and folding his hands, dropping his head.

"Forgive me…Thorn…for everything" His voice was the sound of sheer defeat. I stood still before him, astonished.

"Why…why do you ask for forgiveness all of a sudden?" I watched him closely; my emotions seeming on a never-ending roller coaster. Alucard simply stuck out his hand, his gloved slime fingers beckoning for the acceptance of my own. Unable to put forth the reasoning for his sudden strange behavior, I stepped forward placing my hand in his palm.

In one swift motion, he whirled me against his tall form still sitting on his throne. His arms wrapped around my waist tight, his head pressed to my back. I could do nothing but simply stand there worried and confused.

Was this real? I came down here with every intention to lay into him, have another fight, induce bloodshed if need be! And yet…he's here…hugging me.

"Alucard"

"I need you…" He said quietly. My heart was beating so quickly, I could feel it pounding in my ears.

"I need you…" He repeated even softer.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'M BACK (for a little) I apologize from the bottom of my heart that is has taken me so long to update. I had chapter written some time ago but never got the time to upload them! I don't know how often I'll be able to update but I'll try my hardest. Thanks for all the great feedback!**

**As usual, I do not own anything Hellsing related! Blah blah! **

Chapter 6

My Ceiling…

The object of my eyes target these last few days. My mind was left completely numb after my recent encounter with Alucard; the confusion sending my thoughts into an endless spiral of possible explanations.

"_What do you see that I don't?" _I mentally scanned through our sour past.

Pain…so much pain. We were only linked by pain and the want to protect what was rightfully ours. He had his kingdom and his sanity, while I had my family and my title.

We were both willing to sacrifice our well being even if it meant eating our own wings. So long as we selfishly came out on top to get what we desired.

But alas, we both unjustly lost it all.

I sat straight up. In that moment I realized we aren't as different as I had thought.

'_But what does it all mean?'_

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****

**BOOM! **

The explosion from Sera's cannon had ringed out into the night as she flawlessly took out the final group of brainless ghouls that had been plaguing a small town outside of southern mission. Honestly just another day on the job.

Smiling victoriously at her work, she set her cannon down and stretches her arms high above her head eyeing the clear night sky.

"_Ahh…Master. Another job well done, yes?"_ The blonde waited for a response but she was greeted with silence.

"_Master?"_ Seras whirled around to scan the area, only to find Alucard leaning against a tree near by seeming to be admiring his gun in deep concentration. Naturally Seras had noticed how quiet her master had been recently. She would usually find him pestering Sir. Integra or even herself but its all seems to have come to a halt and she wasn't sure why.

Unlike her master, she lacked the ability to read minds so this genuinely made figuring things out all the more difficult.

'_I wonder if Thorne would know anything?' _she thought.

At the sound of her name being called within Sera's mind, she faced completely in his direction. Alucard lifted his head to look at his fledgling. There was something in his eyes she couldn't quite place her finger on. Shaking her head, she decided to ignore it.

"_Let's go, Police Girl"_ The count beckoned as he began to walk away.

"_Right, Master!"_ Seras quickly caught up to his pace in the direction of the manor. 

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**Sorry this is so short, but the next is a doozie. Enjoy!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Back with another chapter for your enjoyment. Again, I'm not sure how quickly the next update will be but I'm defiantly working on it! Bare with me!**

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**Chapter 7**

I found myself pacing outside the door of his chamber. What could I possibly say to the man I've despised for so many decades? '_Hey I totally get you, let's be friends?'_ Tsh, right. This was no use. The fact that I'm even here right now is absurd in itself. Though I know I need to confirm this head on if I want answers. All this confusion will eventually eat me alive if I don't…

I peered down at my watch.

"_2:30pm…No doubt he would be asleep at this hour but I don't know how much longer I can let this simmer before my brain boils over"_ Sighing, I knock.

With a quick listen, I hear no movement from the other side of the door but my senses tell me he's here. I decide to knock once more only this time, the door opens. The room is dark as usual aside from 6 red eyes towards the ground peering back at me.

"_W-why are you on the ground?" _

The eyes tilt a bit before a long dangly tongue laps from its apparent mouth, bobbing towards me. I blink as the creature takes shape in the soft light from behind me. A big black hound with its canines glimmering with saliva that is about waist height begins to circle me, sniffing wherever his giant muzzle can reach.

I stand there hesitantly before sticking my hand out to pet him in hopes I don't lose my fingers. Upon seeing my hand, the hound eyes it before sniffing my fingers and licking at them then happily pressing his head against my palm. I smile while I rub behind it's ears; his fur sleek and incredibly soft to the touch.

"_Did you open the door for me?"_ The hound makes a slight huff sound and wags its big tail as if to reply 'yes'

I grin.

"_Is your master in?"_ The hound looks out towards the darkness of the room then back to me. It huffs once more before it proceeds behind me, using its head to push and guide me to a medium sides room to the right of Alucard's extravagant empty throne.

Inside, on a large stone platform, sat a beautiful cherry wood stained coffin. Even in the dim light, my reflection just a few feet away shined like a new penny. Obediently, the hound went and laid next to it wagging its tail with all 6 eyes gleaming at me happily.

"_Good boy" _I praise in a whisper and walk up to the coffin. As I run my fingers over its surface gently, I sigh.

"_Here goes nothing…"_ I brace myself with both hands firmly on its lid and begin to lift. The inside of the coffin is a deep red crushed velvet cushion from top to bottom that cradles the Count. His black hair sprawled out over what looks like a red silk pillow. Dressed in only his suit pants, red cravat and white shirt, he looked peaceful. He lay completely still on his back yet taking shallow habitual breaths causing his chest to rise and fall; the sight almost made me smile.

"_So vulnerable…"_ I whispered; eyeing his resting face. In that same moment, a single red droplet slid down the side of his cheek, a slight groan emitting from his mouth.

"_A tear?"_ Blinking a few times, I gather a bit of courage to reach out slowly towards his cheek. Within seconds, a sudden force so hard gripped my wrist, nearly crushing it under the pressure. The counts eyes now blazing red as they bore into mine from his laying position.

"_A-Alucard…! It's me. Please let go!" _I wince trying to wiggle my wrist free form his death grip.

The Count stared at me for a moment as if he was trying to gather his baring's of the situation before slowly letting go; the mark on my wrist about as red as a tomato.

"_My apologies…but you really should knock first"_ He said groggily looking at the lid of his coffin. I mentally hit my forehead and nod.

"_I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you but…"_ I trailed off not wanting to stumble over my words.

"_What is it?...Surely night hasn't fallen yet" _The count sits up now in his coffin, running his fingers through his messy hair before turn his attention back to me with a raised eyebrow.

"_No…night has not come, however…w-we need to talk"_ My eyes drop from his to the now sleeping hound on the floor.

"_Then let us talk…"_ The voice came from behind me this time. The count had moved to his throne; leaning back with a crossed leg and had begun sipping from red liquid filled wine glass.

"_I need to know…why did you apologize to me? After everything you had done. You showed no remorse; even on the day I showed up here. Why now all of a sudden?"_ With my arms folded over my uniform, I was now standing in front of him, peering into his red eyes where the light of the flames from the nearby candle sconce on the wall danced; searching for an answer.

Alucard looked thoughtful for a moment then sat his glass down, folding his gloved hands on his lap.

"_I do not fully understand my actions myself, however…I can say I feel…relieved…" _He eyed me, waiting for a response. The building confusion must have showed pretty well on my face because he continued.

"_Might I ask how you feel about it? I'm not one to beg for forgiveness, so that being said, if you simply cannot accept my apology I would underst-"_

"_I accept…it forgive you but I'll never forget...Count"_ I can't do this anymore. I averted my gaze to the floor.

"_It pains and baffles me red but I have thought it through. To be perfectly honest, even though I knew you were 100% dead, I have spent all these years thinking of a way to rid this earth of your existence if we ever crossed paths again…but it has become exhausting. I've been put in a situation where avoiding you simply will not work."_ My hands grip the sides of my uniform top tightly.

"…_I've also thought about your feelings of…needing me."_ The count visibly stiffened without removing his eyes from my form. I continued.

"_I have walked the streets alone for quite some time now and there has not been one soul that could ever fully understand this life…but you"_ I locked eyes with him once more _"We live a life that beats the same drum"_

The count smiled a toothy grin that actually felt genuine. It kind of startled me.

"_That…will take some getting used to"_ I said looking away chuckling

The count smirked and sat back a little more in his throne, proceeding to reach out his gloved hand towards me.

"_Come"_ He said firmly. I blinked and stared at his waiting hand. "_Please…I need to be sure of something if you will…Angel"_

The familiar nickname rolled from his lips softly rather than its usual use as an insult. Yea I defiantly needed to get used to this.

Stepping forward, I slowly took his hand as I did before only this time, to my surprise, he pulled me on to his lap in one swift movement; allowing me to sit sideways as if I was a child waiting to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas. That made me chuckle. I tensed quickly when his gloved hands reached for my face causing a unintentional blush of pink to creep along my cheeks. _'What the fuck is he up to!?_' I thought, staring at him. As if he wasn't already acting out of character, this was beyond his nature.

His crimson eyes stared back into mine before he began to close the space between us.

"_Count I-" _

"_Shhh…"_ he interrupted as he softly placed his forehead against mine.

I felt something; a spark. Like that of hot-wiring a car, something happened causing both of our breaths to hitch as an unseen connection was made. Being passed from his mind to mine were memories he shared from our time long ago. The things he has seen and done were almost unbearable…but it was all done for his people. He even shared his moments leading up to his time here at the Hellsing Organization.

****

**Terrible…**

The pictures then changed to the family I watched over and protected. The last memory I had of their smiling faces before I lost them. He was digging through my past…

As they went on, I realized that our memories overlapped in a way that almost matched up perfectly; made it seem as if we were two halves of one whole!

****

**Unbelievable…**

In the midst of all of this, I must of closed my eyes and tears began to fall as I felt his thumb brush against my cheek. Opening my eyes again, I found Alucard looking back at me intently; a handful of emotions written all over his face, however, he looked at me as if all of his questions had finally been answered. For the first time in the history of our time knowing one another, I felt at ease being in his presence. It was in that moment that we both knew we shared something deeper than anyone could understand.

This wasn't about silly emotions that got you heart broken; love. No this was more. This was about understanding someone to the point your could read their soul.

**Where would this go…?**

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Thanks for reading! I'll do my best to try and update soon!


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